Contents
Dealing with Negative Elderly Parents
Dealing with negative elderly parents is something that a lot of children are facing. You might even think that no matter what you do, your elderly father or your elderly mother is never happy. However, we should always keep in mind that our time spent with our elderly In this article, we will discuss the possible reasons for your elderly parents’ negative temperament and some ways how to cope with the negativity and help your parents become happier.
Reasons for Negativity
Determining the main cause for your elderly parents’ negativity is something that might be sometimes impossible to do. However, knowing the different reasons for your parents’ negative behavior will greatly help in addressing the issue.
Cognitive Impairment
One of the main reasons for the negative behavior is cognitive problems like Alzheimer’s. A person with Alzheimer’s is known to exhibit anger more easily and shows a lack of interest in doing the things that they usually do.
Loss of independence
Loss of independence is when a person loses the ability to make decisions for himself and has to rely on the help of another individual to make decisions for him. When this happens, a person may end up lashing out at those who are trying to help him. The reason may be resentment since your elderly parent might feel that their loss of independence was due to your fault. Another reason might be they want to ask for help for certain things but don’t know how.
Death
Thanatophobia which is the fear of death occurs more frequently in older adults. Death in itself is not what most seniors fear, but fear of the unknown. When this happens, several negative behavioral issues may manifest.
Losing a Loved One
One of the hardest challenges in life is losing someone you love. When this happens, a person might end up in a very dark hole and become a different person than they were before.
Depression
According to the CDC, depression is not a normal part of aging and is something that can be treatable.
Depression manifests itself in several ways and the signs of depression that you can look out for are the following:
- Decrease in energy
- Irritable behavior and restlessness
- Excessive sleeping or insomnia
- A decrease in energy
- Thoughts of committing suicide or attempting to commit suicide
- Feeling worthless or helpless
Truth be told, negative behavior can stem in numerous ways. Listed below are some of the various negative phrases your parents might use when talking to you.
Examples of Negative Phrases
“You’re not doing enough for me.”
“I’d rather be dead than be a burden to you.”
“You no longer love your mother like before.”
“You changed.”
“I no longer have any purpose.”
“Stop trying to help me. I’m not an invalid.”
Ways of Dealing with Negative Elderly Parents
Now that we have an idea of some of the reasons why our elderly parent is exhibiting negative behavior it is now easier to address these issues.
Problem – Cognitive Impairment
Solution – Be more patient
When a person is suffering from a mental illness like Alzheimer’s, being patient with them should always be the foremost consideration. In some cases, a person battling Alzheimer’s can show signs of mental degradation, making it difficult for them to express what they’re feeling in words. Hence, negative behavior might arise.
When dealing with negative elderly parents suffering from Alzheimer’s another tip is to keep things simple. Arguing or trying to reason with them will only make you feel emotionally drained. As such, patience is always the key when dealing with this type of problem.
Always keep in mind that the negative behavior your parent is exhibiting is not their own choice. Also, remember that although their behavior might change, they are still the parents that love and care for you.
Problem – Loss of Independence
Solution – Make them feel Independent
One of the reasons why your parent can show negative behavior is because of their loss of independence. When this happens, it is important to help make your parent feel independent in several ways:
Loss of independence due to physical disability
When the loss of independence is due to physical disability, what you can do is give them a task that does not require them to move a lot or at all. This may be assigning them to choose your family’s food for dinner. Another way is to help them find a new hobby – like knitting.
Ensuring that your parent keeps an active mind is also important. In an article I wrote before, numerous brain games can help your parents boost their memory and keep them occupied.
Loss of independence due to mental disability
When the loss of independence is due to mental disability, what you can do is offer them assurance and comfort. Giving them tasks that will help them feel a sense of fulfillment without being too mentally taxing is a must. One way of doing this is by involving them in everyday life decisions. Some of these decisions include choosing what to wear in the morning, the places to visit, and even big life decisions which include the different care options that they prefer. What is important is making them feel that their opinions matter always.
Problem – Death
Solution – Always be there
Fearing death is something most of us will go through in our lifetime. The fear of what’s next without knowing anything definitive can cause a great deal of stress to anyone. The best way to help ease their fear to ensure that you will always be there for them. Although it might be hard for a loved one to witness someone dying, it offers a great deal of comfort to someone facing death to have their loved one there for them.
Problem – Losing a loved one
Solution – Just be there
Losing a loved one is the most painful thing you will encounter in your life. Based on personal experience, losing someone important is a heart-wrenching pain that will never leave you. Before experiencing the death of a loved one, death might seem like something that will take a long time to happen. But when someone you love eventually dies, their death will leave a gaping hole in your life that nobody else can fill.
You will cry at random times of the day.
Remembering is hard – so hard that you end up trying to forget them. But that never solves anything.
Even getting up in the morning might seem like the most difficult thing to accomplish.
Some days you will think that you’re fine but a song will play on the radio, or the scent of their favorite perfume will remind you of them.
There will be days that you feel like a burden to everyone around you. Because you should have been able to move on already. But the truth is, there is no moving on.
If you have never had someone in your life die, those mentioned above are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to losing someone. As mentioned, there is no moving on from death. All you can do is live through life knowing that death is inevitable, but the memories spent will your loved ones will last you for a lifetime.
Our elderly parents are the ones that suffer most from people dying on them, and the constant pain of losing someone can greatly change their behavior. As someone who is trying to help them, all you can do is be there for them and show them that you want to be there. Being there for someone is not enough. It’s showing that you want to be there for them that matters. Because you can be with someone but not want to help and your parent will feel that.
Problem – Depression
Solution – Seeking professional help
When a person is dealing with depression, their behavior might drastically change. Like any other illness, depression requires professional help to better address the root cause of the problem. Gone are the days when seeking professional help will lead to people thinking that you’re crazy. The best way to help your elderly loved one deal with depression is to help them seek professional help, and be there for them when they do.
In some cases, our elderly loved ones may still view seeking help for depression as something negative. Educating them about the importance of seeking professional help is greatly helpful in encouraging them.
A Last Note in Dealing with Negative Elderly Parents
Dealing with negative elderly parents will always be challenging to do. There will definitely be days when you just want to give up. However, it’s not a sign of weakness to acknowledge that you cannot handle everything on your own. If you have siblings, asking them to help will greatly reduce the burden. Seeking professional help in some cases listed above should also be a consideration. Being there for them constantly might be draining emotionally, especially when you are dealing with problems of your own. Always remember, it’s okay to take a break – you’re only human. If you want to know more about how to deal with negative elderly parents on a more specific situation, feel free to comment down below.
